This is my friend Chad Larget. If you're buying or selling a house, he's the man to call. Chad works as a realtor for Shorewest. And the biggest reason you buy or sell with Chad is because he has a boat. And he likes to take clients out on that boat and give them love, beer, and snacks. Chad is a full service realtor (And I do mean full service for any of you ladies looking for a little high seas adventure...wink, wink.)
Here it is. A sweet, little cruiser that he took me out on the other night. (I said something about my trip last week when talking about Milwaukee's biggest dandy and have gotten flack because because I haven't done a follow up. So for all your motoring across the water fans, here's the low down on boating with Chad.)
For the record, I have never bought or sold anything with Chad's help. I've been tempted to have him help me buy a car, because Chad seems to be able to haggle with car salesmen better than anyone I know. Chad has bought and sold more vehicles in his lifetime than I've bought underwear. But, as a friend of Chad's since our early teenage years, I was entitled to a boat trip. Chad did explain to me that a new benefit he offers clients is to take them out on a boat trip. Simple deal: you buy or sell a house, or give a referral that buys a house or sells a house, Captain Chad gives you a ride. I suppose you could spend forty bucks or so to do some Eldweiss booze cruise, but there are far fewer mullet heads on Chad's boat, so a mortgage and lifelong debt seem appropriate for this lake and river cruise option.
Chad's boat has a name. And for all you Voltaire of Bernstein fans, Chad christening his boat Cunegonde might mean something. Chad named his boat after the heroine in the sweeping tale CANDIDE because in his life prior to being a realtor with a boat, he was a tenor who enjoyed a Broadway stint in a short-lived revival of CANDIDE. I saw it, and liked it. And if you listen real closely, you can hear Chad's brassy tenor blaring through on the ensemble numbers of the cast recording.
Aboard the Cunegonde last week along with me was my pal Stephan Roselin. Yep, he bought a house with Chad's help. (For you fashion fans, Stephan sported a Yankees hat written in Hebrew. We were a religiously diverse boat, for sure.)
Also on board were Becky Spice and her man Malcolm McDowell Woods of The Outpost Exchange Magazine. You all know Becky, of course. She's been a fixture of The Skylight for years, is loved by countless men, and the ladies do take a shine to her as well (love for Becky knows no bounds). Becky and Malcolm currently have their house listed with Chad, and Becky works with Chad at Shorewest. So, as you can see, I was the low-rent freeloader of the group.
This whole realtor perk thing is real, too. Chad's boating schedule last week included a cruise full of ladies the night prior to our flotilla, and a high seas adventure with arts writer Paul Kosidowski and his wife the evening after our jaunt. All those good folks had done business with Chad, enabling him to buy the boat. I think I only qualified for the trip because when Chad and I were roommates in our younger days, I willingly cleaned the bathroom (and this was no small feat with the steamers that Captain Larget liked to leave in our bachelor pad toilet.)
Speaking of potties, the Cunegonde has nifty one. It's a combo toilet/shower. Yes, I am excited about bathrooms. It's a thing, okay. And this clever little invention just about did me in.
You can also relax below deck on the Cunegonde and enjoy some cheese and crackers, play a board game or arm wrestle one of your co-boaters in the lounging area of the living room. Sue me, I'm not a boater. I'm awe struck by these little conveniences. That and the fact that this boat's living quarters are bigger than some of the places I have lived in my life, amazed me.
Here's Chad's QUINCY pose. Remember ladies, I said he was a total full service realtor.
As you may have figured out from my wide-eyed amazement with things like boat toilets, I'm not a big boater. I've never given boating much of a thought. I'm kind of a land luber. Until now. I mean, if I had the money, I would go out and buy myself a boat. Which assuredly means that I will never own a boat beacause any career path I seem to choose does not does not offer a lay scale that extends to boat ownership.
My boat trip afforded me great views of Milwaukee from the big drink. Here's the sail boats we rammed in our effort to be pirates.
Actually, no ramming was done, but Becky did tell me a tale of how she and Chad were out on the Lake one night in need of a cork screw to celebrate some real estate deal, and shouted over to another boat for assistance. Not only did the others boaters throw them a cork screw, but it end up that they knew Becky. The waters seem to bring people together somehow. Either that or booze.
Look at that city.
And that one. Oh, it's Milwaukee, if you weren't sure.
I've lived in Milwaukee a long time, but I never get the lake view perspective. That's because I'm unwilling to dip into a lake full of shit and smelt that is so cold that my nuts end up in my throat if I decide to dip a toe into it. So you see, there are so many great benefits of boating. Not swimming in feces and not tasting your scrotum are high on the list. But the nice view trumps them all.
Chad spends some time on Lake Michigan in his boat, but I get the sense the he trolls the river a bit more. As we ventured North on the Milwaukee River Chad mentioned all the places he could park his boat, get out and have a drink. It's mind boggling. You can just pull your boat up to a dock, not worry about plugging a meter, and get out and enjoy a Mojito and a tub of hot artichoke dip. That's livin'!
And, if you're reading this and thinking, "Hey, this dude is supposed to write about art!", well I submit this public art picture for you. In your face, doubter!
This is something I would have never seen if I hadn't been boat bound. There's a stretch of river shore that attracts a huge amount of seagulls. It's really bizarre. It's right around the Time Warner Cable building, and my pal Stephan (who works for Time Warner) says that the land around Time Warner and all the cars parked outside are contantly littered with bird droppings. What is that all about, right? Are the gulls more into books than t.v.? Are they somehow demanding more bird programming? Whatever it is, it's really kind of like passing by the set for a Hitchcock film.
Okay, so, what's this one?
Answer: under side of the Wells Street bridge.
Clearly, I don't get out much.
Chad toured us around for a couple of hours and then we sat at his slip and gnawed on a pizza. Perhaps the best part of the evening was saying goodbye to Chad and realizing that as I pedaled home on my bike, Chad was going to tuck in for the night and sleep in his boat bed. That's living the dream. Living the dream like a 70s television star that is.
If you're looking to buy or sell, Chad's the man. You're guaranteed some boat. It's so much better than a refrigerator magnet.
2 smart alecky remarks:
Having known Chad longer than Jon,we can say that his reporting is accurate - won't say which comments stand out more than others - mostly because we don't do potty talk.
However, Chad is an upstanding citizen, even tho' his political views have taken a left turn over the years, but we love him dearly. Yeah, we love his friends, too.
Dad and Step-mom.
And where's the boat now, you ask? No longer 'full service' rumor has it?
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