There are so many books out there that make the claim that they are the definitive handbook for gaining the knowledge to run theatre. Books like Running Theaters: Best Practices for Leaders and Managers, Subscribe Now!, and How to Run a Theater: A Witty, Practical and Fun Guide to Arts Management all claim to be witty, insightful guides on how you can change the world through the magic of arts management.
But nobody knows how to run a theater like me. Well, actually, I know how to run a theater into the ground. That's why I've decided to start my own series of lessons on the theater entitled "How Not To Run A Theater". The title says it all I think.
I ran a theater for 11 years. We were critically acclaimed. Did thrilling work. Are missed by at 17 fans that I hear from occasionally. But, in terms of business and administration, we sucked.
I don't have a bad taste in my mouth for the business of running a theater. In fact, I love the business of running theater. I would love to have another shot at running a theater, in fact. I think I have a good perspective on how to do things right based on my history of doing things poorly. (This is my studied answer for any employers looking to hire me to run a theater, by the by.)
I will post thoughts on things you should never do in the pursuit of running a theater from time to time with the dreamy goal of collecting enough to compile into my own "How To" book to be stocked on some dusty shelf next to Don't Just Applaud, Send Money: The Most Successful Strategies for Funding and Marketing the Arts. I also welcome your reader stories, as well. I'm looking for practical advice on things you should never do. Need an example? Here's my first short tidbit for you today. I call it, Beer--It's Not Best Practices For Anything:
When deciding to start a theater company there are a number of thirst quenching options available for so called business and planning sessions. Those include:
1. Milk.
2. Water.
3. Any number of juices.
4. Coffee.
5. Spit.
6. Blood.
7. Urine.
8. Sewer water
There is one liquid, however, that is a deadly addition to any discussion concerning the creation of a theater company. That deadly substance is known as beer.
Beer is responsible for the creation of theater companies that perform at midnight. Beer is to blame for theatrical startups that present classics performed by amateur actors in Elks' Lodges. You can point a finger at beer for the genius that is the touring mask and puppet theater.
Resist the urge to include beer in any forum where the words, "let's start a theater company" are uttered. You will avoid unnecessary pain in the form of lose of sleep and good health, girlfriend or boyfriend infidelity and the ultimate smackdown of risking your life savings on a production of J.B. only to end up living in your parents' basement.
Keep the beer right where it belongs. On the breakfast table.
4 smart alecky remarks:
Or, my favorite way not to run a theatre: like a not-for-profit.
A good way not to start a new theater company as demonstrated here in Madison: insult your competition and then try to run the company by yourself.
Theatrical enterprise varies enormously in sophistication and purpose. People involved vary from professionals to hobbyists to spontaneous novices. Theatre can be performed with no money at all or on a grand scale with multi-million dollar budgets.
Theaters are made for huge audiences and caters to people of all generations. Allowing beer inside could result to damages, both in reputation and equipments. For those who fear the dark theaters, however, should consider staying at home in front of their own TV sets.
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