Ray's Five: Day Twenty-Four

Here we are on the last day of 2008. Today, Ray rants. That's all.

Hope you have plenty of things to rant about today, too.

Happy End of Year. Whew. We made it.

Don't let this chorus girl down

Ray, chorus girls are counting on you. Do your homework.

Ray's Five: Day Twenty-Three

We've been on holiday hiatus, but Ray is back to tackle the cultural crisis. He'll do it by reading sports blogs. As soon as he can stop throwing up from having to read sports blogs.

Ray's Five: Day Twenty-Two

It's remarkable news today. A new theme song and intro for Ray's Five with help from the clever fellows at Three Udders and A Studio (you know, the geniuses behind STRAIGHT TALK). Check out Ray's Five Reason (well actually Six) for not going to the theatre.

Ray'S Five: Day Twenty-One

Today, Ray gets homework. The real work begins. I give him an assignment that he must complete overnight. He will solve the national cultural crisis. He will. All while topless, of course.

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It is worth noting...

...that we are having a cultural crisis in our country right now.

When I speak of a cultural crisis today, I'm only going to talk about theatre and newspapers.

These two industries in the same sentence when talking about culture might seem like odd bedfellows. And I never considered mixing them too much myself. Never mix, never worry I say.

But yesterday I posted an update on my Facebook status that read "Jonathan can't believe all the news feeds he's getting of other theater companies around the country that may close."

Soon, I started to get a flurry of comments from my Facebook comments about theatre and newspapers struggles to stay alive from industry insiders. The power of Facebook amazes me. (You wouldn't believe the comments I got when I posted an update that mentioned Woodman's grocery stores.)

I've had a hard time writing about what I really feel is happening in theatre right now in our community, but something about this intermingling of the newspaper death discussion makes me want to start to more publicly ruminate.

Here's the thing: theatre and newspapers haven't kept up with innovation. The hard reality of the situations that newspapers and theatre find themselves in right now is that while they've concentrated on content for years and years, they've been loathe to address the big problem palguing their industries: how to change how to connect tonew communities and convince the world that their content is supremely cool and necessary to a well informed life.

I'm gonna be pretty hard line about this, but so much of the drama and angst of theatres and newspapers closing could have been avoided if we in the theatre and journalism community had adopted better practices to market the idea, and only the idea, that theatre and real, substantive news is good for us all.

I don't think it's too late, but we need to stop bemoaning the losses in each industry and realize that a whole new set of circumstances in terms of the way people connect to ideas and information needs to dictate who we produce theatre and news. It may be a bitter pill to swallow but it's time to change everything we're doing.

I'm pretty disgusted to see a theatrical landscape that is not welcoming to big dreamers who want to do those 20 person masterpieces of drama. I'm also chagrined to see content in newspapers on-line and in print dry up and dumb down. We're the ones who are supposed to be setting the higher standards. When we admit that begging for money (theatre) and subsidizing everything we do with advertising revenue (newspapers) is simply have a yoke around our necks that prohibits creativity and innovation, we'll start to be able to confront this huge, huge problem head on.

I encourage you to take a look around the web for others preaching this type of tough love. I was directed to a good post at Theatre is Territory on how we've been a bunch of mamby pambies about promoting theatre to the masses. There's a feeling that things need to change. Can we do it? Hell yeah. But it's time to be not afraid, and for us all to grow another set of balls.

Ray's Five: Day Twenty

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Today, we reach a milestone.  20 days.  A look back, and a teaser of what's to come.

Pinhole Eyeglasses (what happens when I answer e-mails for free stuff)

That’s me, wearing a pair of
Pinhole eyeglasses. You’ve heard of them, right? They’re the revolutionary miracle glasses that are also all the rage for all fashionista four eyes.

Come on, you’ve undoubtedly heard of them, right? You’re clearly a person who suffers from refractive eye disorder, right? Or perhaps you’re over the hill, aren’t you? Maybe you sit on your ever-expanding rump at a computer all day writing stuff into your blog?

No? Huh. I’ve always imagined that all Artsy Schmartsy have any of these debilitating ailments. And I guess the
Pinhole eyeglass organization thinks I’m an old, refractive eye disordered, internet surfer. That’s why they sent me a FREE OFFER to try their glasses.

The hitch was that I needed to write a review of their product for my blog. In October. If you’re not near a calendar, we’re celebrating Jesus’ birthday in a few days. I’m late. Very late.

I must offer a few disclaimers to set the record straight.

I don’t suffer from refractive eye disorder, whatever that is. It just sounds yucky. I’m sorry for any refractive eye disorder-ers. Refraction sucks, right?

I’m not elderly. Though many people call me “Old Man”, I’m not near retirement age. Nor will I ever be since my chosen careers as writer, journalism hack, and theater slob have assured me a lifetime of diminishing returns on any salary I’m lucky enough to collect.

As for sitting at a computer for hours on end…maybe. But I do glance away often enough to see if there’s more coffee or bacon within reach so I don’t think that makes me worthy of an eyeglass intervention.

But I said I would take the
Pinhole eyeglasses because I am fascinated by
Pinhole glasses. That poorly constructed sentence about
Pinhole eyeglasses is fulfillment of my promise to mention
Pinhole glasses in my review of
Pinhole eyeglasses. I’m writing about
Pinhole eyeglasses, you see. P-I-N-H-O-L-E (space) E-Y-E-G-L-A-S-S-E-S.

Okay so, here’s my review:

I wore the
Pinhole eyeglasses on several occasions. I became dizzy and disoriented. I couldn’t help feel as if I was looking through a bathtub drain while wearing my free pair. Small children and sweet little old ladies ridiculed me every time I had the
Pinhole eyeglasses perched on my nose. Friends of mine said, “Dude, what’s that on your face.” I thought maybe I had a roach on my face by the way they looked at me with shock and disgust, but when I tried to wipe it away, I felt
Pinhole glasses and nothing else. Now I’m a glasses wearer, have been for a long time. I love how specs look on my face. So have the ladies (wink, wink), if you know what I mean. I’ll give the
Pinhole glasses props for shape and their elegant line. I think the horned rim is the only way to go. However, I’m flummoxed about the best place to wear the
Pinhole glasses to look like I’m with the in crowd? A darkened room? At an A.V. Club Meeting? Walking down the street with a tin cup and white cane? I’ve not seen my vision improve with the bouts of ten minute forced wearing that I’ve subjected myself to while sitting typing things into my blog. I have sen mi spiling git wurs thow as I cint c a firkin thin whin Iam whiring thes
Pinhole eyeglasses (somehow I’m always able to spell
Pinhole eyeglasses, though). But I’ll concede that I’ve not been harmed by wearing the
Pinhole eyeglasses. I just got the test results back from my family doctor, and my cholesterol is in great shape. I’ve got to believe that the
Pinhole eyeglasses had something to do with that. If you’re into letter grades, I’m giving the
Pinhole eyeglasses a B-. Let’s face it, the B- students were always the coolest ones in school, and I still think the
Pinhole eyeglasses are cool just because they’re so blasted mysterious to me still.

That review was 334 words. I had to write 300. Consider the mission accomplished.

I’ve been offered the chance to receive more free products after this one. Can’t wait to see what shows up in my mail next. Knit Bikinis? Plastic Wrap Scarf? Paper Shoes? Bring it on—I’m waiting anxiously for my next shipment of revolutionary life altering consumer goods.

Ray's Five: Day Nineteen

Catching up a wee bit. We're a little behind. Ray spoke on this a few days ago. Rod Blagojevich. Elliot Spitzer. Whores and money. Oh, and Caroline Kennedy's pony. Ray also shows us that he is a...gulp...REDISTRIBUTIONIST! Ray also gives his picks for the charities he thinks you should support this holiday season (Salvation Army and Second Harvest top the list).

You've Cott Mail

Thomas Cott has a blog and a website. Who doesn't, right? Friends of mine heard about this blog through Theatre Communication Group (TCG) and alerted me to it because Thomas Cott does a national arts update that he will e-mail directly to you.

I think it's grand. Check it out how to sign up for You've Cott Mail at www.thomascott.com.

Ray's Five: Day Eighteen

Today, we talk about our competitors (I actually think it's cute what they're trying to do) over at Three Udders and A Studio with some cockamamie scheme called Straight Talk. Those guys are clearly style over substance, but worth every view you can give them.

But here are Artsy Schmartsy we like content. So today, Ray tells us about when he came out of the closet. It's a good story. Real good.

Ray's Five: Day Seventeen

Today talks about boobs in the workplace. The literal and figurative kind. And racism and sexism. He flings and he gets flung. All while warming up in his undies. Inappropriate behavior in the workplace? What, did you think Ray was an accountant?

Ray's Five: Day Sixteen

Ray is at the epic center of a debate about whether or not Jesus was a douchebag. And he didn't even know it. Ray weighs in on the Insurgents (but not for long due to lack of knowledge).

A good tale for this weekend

This one sounds like a sure fire night of angst and laughing at other people's misery. In other words, a rip roaring good time. Who knows, Rex Winsome might even be there to tell the story of how he hates Jesus and Ray's Five.

This Saturday, FTAM Story Telling show at The Borg Ward. Many Insurgent comrades and allies are invovled.

Be there!!

FTAM presents-
TOLD: A night of Storytelling
Name a better way to start off what promises to be another cold and snowy winter with a night of storytelling. Twelve different members from various different backgrounds come together to weave a dense tapestry of true life stories. The performers have been given complete and utter free range over the stories they want to tell and how they will tell them, so no one will really know what's going to be told until the performance comes to a close. So come for the entertainment- stay for the free coffee and hot chocolate! All proceeds go to benefit FTAM and The Borg Ward

Here's the 411 on it all:

A Night of Story Telling, December 6th
The Borg Ward (823 W National Ave)
7:00 Door, 8:00 Show
$5.00
All Ages (may contain adult content+language)

Ray's Five: Day Fifteen

Today, my unending rivalry with Ray is revealed. It's bound to get messier.

Ray's Five: Day Fourteen

Today Ray talks about obsessions. His own (currently that being Christmas) and those of teenagers (inflicted by drugs, booze and the intraweb). For a while, you get the guest image of Martha Stewart in a bra and panties holding a cake. Yum. Yak!

Ray's Five: Day Thirteen

We catch up a little today. Ray has celebrated Thanksgiving and opening a big time blockbuster musical comedy hit. Is he thankful? In that Jivoff way, hell's yeah!